Never Invest 100% of You To Him or Her Blindly

So you decide that you're going to commit and make something work with him or her and at first everything is fantastic! You agree on almost everything, you like doing the same things and you can't wait to be in one another's company once again.
Oh what a feeling right?! When he even speaks of marriage and that is something that you also want in the long run, you're thinking, "Ok!" so even though he is very much rough around the edges, we have great chemistry, he knows what type of woman I am and he is going to step his game up to at least meet me halfway.


You say to yourself also, "It will be even better if he exceeds the minimum of what I want in a mate. I can work with this!"
It might be fine if their actions followed their words about doing whatever it takes to get themselves totally together, but one year goes by, and he/she has made a few personal changes, such as their outward appearance. That includes a few material things, which gives the appearance that everything in the relationship is great, but he/she is still very much rough around the edges.

The things that REALLY need to change are just not changing. You go another year, same song and story. You start to have some talks about various issues. Some short term efforts are made just to shut you up for a few weeks, then it's back to the norm. You go with it until again, frustration starts to build up and now it's time for another chat and another year has now passed. You begin to resent him/her, you lose respect and that alone causes you to look at them differently. You even become embarrassed for them at times and you start thinking, "how can I look up to someone that I cannot even respect?" If I really need him/her, can I depend on them?"

It gets to the point to where you are extremely exhausted and you wake up one day and realize that you have given your entire self, trying to uplift and encourage, excusing many issues and compromising all that you stand for and believe in.
You have sacrificed way too much and especially your time for someone who is obviously fine with the bare minimum for their life. The most hurtful thing of all is the day that you decide, enough is enough. You have invested much in this person. You have lowered yourself to meet at their level and that meant change for you, but when it comes down to him/her reaching up to where you are trying to get to, there are certain things that they refuse to change, even at the expense of it continuing to be a hindrance to the relationship.

What they are saying honestly, is that you are second to everything in their world, and they are not willing to sacrifice and invest as you did. In other words, "it's my way or the highway." Well, the highway is a much smoother ride and you should go that route! Never ever compromise beyond the reasonable and minimum and never ever settle. Some people will never change and it is because they don't want to change. They are incapable of going where you are going. You cannot force it. They simply were not meant to be forever.

Tonda Mingus
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I am a Freelance Writer, currently contributing inspirational articles, with emphasis on mostly relationships, which is my passion and also spiritual matters . I am currently published in "Inclusion Magazine", "1st Fruits Ministries Fbook page and working on my first book. Acting is my sidekick!